After 9 Months We've Met

Can’t describe how much I feel happy today, finally we have met after 9 months!

One day they told me that you won’t dream with a dead person until you stop crying and feeling sad about it, on that day, I kept telling myself foolish words such as: “Yay Mariamty is not with me”& “Nanananana I’ll not see Mariamty again”& such … I was duping myself! And it didn’t work!

But yesterday, I remembered how much I was happy during Mariamty illness, and I used to tell people around: that those days are the best I lived, even the nights we spent at KHCC, I was feeling super, peaceful, & glad. Thus I’ve convinced myself that I should be so NOW! What’s up with me! My child is in heaven, at least I granted a child there! She’s feeling happy there, why she needs to be here! There is really better for her … etc of these thoughts, and it was my first time I don’t give a tear or feel that sorrow in my heart when remembering our last hug!

I woke up one hour earlier today, I met Mariamty in my dream, it was a nice dream, she walked towards me, I kissed her, & hold her ... I’ve really missed her … Hamdolela that finally Mariamty visited me, I’ll be waiting her every night

ما حد أخد رأينا بموضوع فلسطين!

أنا معي هوية فلسطينية و معي كرت أصفر و ما حدا سألني عن رأي بانضمام فلسطين إلى هيئة الأمم المتحدة ؟

يا سيدي بلاش أنا! ناس بعرفهم معهم الكرت الأخضر و برضوا ما حد سألهم عن رأيهم !!! ما عم أقدر أنبسط ع الموضوع زي ما إلي عم يجيبوا ع تلفزيون "نبض الشارع"!!! ما بدي أكون وحدة بايخة و أتمنى يصير في فيتو :) عشان في كتير أشياء أهم من هاي أتمناها لفلسطين و اللآجئين و الوطن العربي ... يعني ... قدامي قائمة طويلة عريضة من الأمنيات و أظن في أخرها هاي! إذا أصلاً موجودة !!! ع فكرة أنا بحب فلسطين

Hamdolela … I’m Pregnant

I have to declare that I’m pregnant of 3rd month … Hamdolela

I can’t feel it the way I used to in my first pregnancy! I’m so neutral!

I’m usually natural towards life! But here I’m extra neutral!

Pray for Somalia

I can’t stop thinking of Somalia!

Maybe one of the reasons, I saw a girl who looks like Mariamty in her last days!
The Somalia baby girl was bald, pale, skinny, & with protruding eyes, her mother was trying to let her drink by dots! And the girl wasn’t able to swallow, she was nodding that she doesn’t want anything, and to leave her alone.

Poor Somalia … 29000 kid has died in the last three months.

May Allah send rain clouds there, May Allah help them

We’re Blessed

It’s been a year since we’ve known that there is a tumor in Mariamty head, I’ll never forget that day, when we were shocked!

It was really long day! Started early morning, when Mariamty has fasted, in order to get anesthetized for the MRI, ended facing so many facts, first that there is something in her head! Second that this thing a big tumor! Then that her case is really hard and dangerous, and finally that the only solution is a very critical operation with minimum rate of success.
We kept running all day! Meeting doctors to know what’s up! or at least let them explain the MRI report, then a miracle happens at the end of day; getting the change to meet a very busy famous Doctor in that same long day!

Although I was in a deep sorrow, but I felt blessed! That Allah has given us a solution in that same day! And Allah allowed us to meet the one who’ll help us out of this.

Latest Trends of Business Projects in Jordan

In my humble opinion, latest worn projects in Jordan are:
1) Review websites for restaurants
We’ve got three local sites

• Keefkan http://www.keefkan.com/


• Meal Advisors http://www.mealadvisors.com/


• Jeeran http://www.jeeran.com/

2) Electronics shop
We’ve started with Smart Buy, and now we’ve got more, and still more to come

• E-Mart


• BLINX


• Electronic City

If you’re thinking of you having your own business, please enough of these :) and try to initiate and innovate

!الفساد متأصلاً فينا

حتى عندما نحاول الإصلاح نعيث فساداً

!
أصبحت أشك أن الفساد متأصلاً فينا

!
أو الماء الذي نشربه كل يوم مذابٌ فيها بعض حبات الطمع التي ترسبت في عقولنا محولةً إيّانا إلى شعلة فساد

!
ألم يعد هناك بذرةٌ لم تلوث بعد بمصالحنا الشخصية؟

هـــــلْ أراكْ؟ هـــــلْ أراكْ؟

I’m so much confused, shocked, & depressed .

I know there is corruption, but not that much.

I feel every big sized project in Jordan, corruption has got its biggest portion.
I even think whenever a new project is started, it’s not for our need, but for the interest of those who initiated it, also when an important project is neither introduced nor delivered, it’s because some don’t want it to be alive, since it will reduce their profit!

Those people are in a one gang; they all know and help each other. They are unashamed of what they do! They never get enough money, they always want more, dare more, and fear no more.

It’s not easy for me, and others, to trust anyone else taking their place!

I wonder, will I be alive, until our country becomes clean!

هـــــلْ أراكْ؟ هـــــلْ أراكْ؟ سـالِماً مُـنَـعَّـماً وَ غانِـمَاً مُـكَرَّمَاً

موطني ... موطني

هل سألت نفسك يوما لماذا قال ابراهيم طوقان "موطني" و ليس "وطني"؟ موطن: كُلُّ مَكَانٍ أَقَامَ بِهِ الإِنْسَانُ

Things Feel Their Owners

I always believe that when a relation is between the horse and its rider, they will always feel each other, and when the rider dies, later the horse will follow! Now I started to believe that one's stuff feels its owner! This really happened with me! Almost all Mariamty's stuff has either been damaged before or after she died!

When I washed Mariamty's clothes before she's left us, my dark blue blouse has been with them! And the result was: all her clothes were changed to either blue or purple! So I have easily abandoned them. There were other clothes waiting to be washed after Mariamty's has left us, and I have recently rinsed and dried them. I was surprised how worn out they looked! Although some of them were new, and other were supposed to be of high quality! Nevertheless, they all looked too stocked and worn! And so I've easily discarded them too.

Even her cups! Looked unclean! And so I've easily put them away!

Finally, I hope so, I was shocked that my car, where Mariamty has always been my buddy there, has also been crashed! And so I'll easily through it away! As it can't be fixed and I hope the insurance company will pay me at least 70% of its cost.

So let's get back to the main topic, things feel their owners, they can't stay without owners, they need a life with them, so give away what you don't need to those whose in need, memories will stay in mind longer than in things.

What’s Going in Her Mind? part 1

I wonder what does Mariamty think every day about moving and crawling?

“I wana crawl after mom, why can’t I?
hmmm seems I forgot the first step! Let’s try ...
Why I can’t hold myself straight? What’s up with my arms! Can’t they carry me! My mom keeps telling that I’m thinner now, so my hands suppose to easily do that! Maybe I used to start with my legs?
Ok I’ll start over again; ooops didn’t I want to move my leg! It seems too heavy!”

It’s been long time since Mariamty has crawled! Maybe two weeks or more! Now she barely moves her legs!

Finally Youth Did It

Finally, youth has proofed that they shouldn’t be considered silly, helpless, powerless, & without goals.

During the last 28 years I lived :) I used to hear these sentences:

• Terrible youth شباب صايعين
• They won’t ever do something good عمره ما حيطلع منه إشي
• They imitate without thinking بس بقلد بدون ما يفكر
• Worthless and nugatory عطّال بطّال
• When we were younger we did so … & so … & so وإحنا قدك كنا ... و كنا... وكنا
• Quds will never set free by them قال بدها تتحرر القدس ... كيف والشباب هيك
• ... etc

Youth were able, for the first time lets say, to speak loudly fearing nobody. And they were creative in this; simple person has said what he feels loudly and straightforward, those who write has expressed their thoughts in all available ways, whether internet was there or not, even those who sing has relief their feelings spontaneously in amazing techniques.

They’ve turned their words into actions, even though they used to spend long times in cafes or doing nothing, but when they were needed, they didn’t fed up, give up, felt tired, or missed their times setting in the café doing nothing.

Maybe they are still imitating wrong or unsuitable things from west, but some of them are coping useful things, or reproducing what can’t be duplicated.

Arabs woke up from their endless sleep, and we’ll never hear that sentence again; “Arabs are in a deep sleep” or “When will Arabs wake up”. We might sleep again, but we’ll be dreaming of something else, another hope, a new goal, & further wishes. Tunisian and Egyptians inshalla will accomplish the impossible mission, which all generations have dreamt of.

Parents and grandparents role can’t be denied for sure, they’ve got the largest part in all of this, by their raising, their experience, and their individual sharing.

Finally, we’ll have a nice history to tell our children, filled with dignity, honor, & glory.

It Seems Far Away ...

Inshalla inshalla inshalla it seems far away!
Yesterday also I’ve seen a cute baby we used to meet him when we sleep at KHCC, he’s older now; 6 months old! He’s has transferred to Palliative Care, too. He was tired, he was born blind, along with chemo cycles, tumor size has increased which has affected lots of nerves;
he won’t walk,
he can’t concentrate,
he faces difficulty in swallowing,
he might have hearing loss,
in addition of pain,
and spasms every while and then.

I was speechless while his mother is telling me this, I felt that I’m spoiled and doesn’t appreciate what I have!

We should always meet people who are worse case than ours, in order to gain satisfaction and then happiness.

Dreams ...

Dreams ...

Life is much happier with them ...

I don't wannt to envy myself towards this grace, I feel fresh and active when I come back from my dream ...

In my dreams I've traveled to two cities in south africa as i think, also I went to Lebanon, and yesterday I was in Turkey.

Hamdolela ... this small dream really does change my mood, and makes my day ...

Love Life

They want to live …
They try hard …
They do their best to survive …
They love life, that’s why they succeed …

Rare, too!

It's for Mariamty, I liked the dress's brand name :)


My girl is rare, too!



Did the one who bought this gift mean it?

2010

I do feel, and think, that a year carries similar stories for you!


I remembered how year 2007 was a Farewell year.

About 2010, it deserves to be called “Cancer Year”:

• Mariamty, my girl, has got ATRT in her head


• My aunt has got breast cancer, she’s done three surgeries, and with everyone she did they told her “oops, we should have removed more!”, Hamdolela that the last surgery was a successful one


• My cousin’s husband got a cancer


• A 3 years old girl, from the expanded family, has got cancer in her both eyes

I think that’s enough for listing! I wish all cancer patients will cure, and they won’t see it again in their whole life.

My Birthday Gift

They asked me what I want, today, for my birthday, I answered:

I wana have that plant which exists in fairy tales, which cures diseases but it’s hard to get, you had to cross the sea, the mountain, the jungle to get it.

I’m ready to swim in the Pacific Ocean, I’m fast and I like swimming.

I can climb Mount Everest, I didn’t try it before, but it’s on my ‘to try list’.

Ok, I fear of cockroach, but when I have to face a Lion or a tiger, I’ll try to use my mind to win the battle.

Then I’ll reach that plant which includes the medicine for every illness, and run fast home, and give it to my child …

Question: Why in stories the one who does all that is not one of the parents?I think they are the only ones ready to do all that.

Can’t this plant exist?! Can’t sacrificing lives returns what we love, I hate fairy tale stories, they are neither real nor true.

Inshalla Allah will grant me the good news tomorrow, & this will be the gift.

Sorry for being Boring

In the morning I call mom, I tell her how’s Mariamty, and stories of other patients; their ages, since when they’ve started the therapy, how did they discovered cancer, where is it, when will they finish their cure, does they have other brothers or sisters, & so on.

At noon, my sister calls, I tell her how’s Mariamty, and stories of other patients; their ages, since when they’ve started the therapy, how did they discovered cancer, where is it, when will they finish their cure, does they have other brothers or sisters, & so on.

In the afternoon, I visit other patients, I tell them how’s Mariamty, and stories of other patients; their ages, since when they’ve started the therapy, how did they discovered cancer, where is it, when will they finish their cure, does they have other brothers or sisters, & so on.

At night, when Mhmdy comes after work, I tell him how’s Mariamty, and stories of other patients; their ages, since when they’ve started the therapy, how did they discovered cancer, where is it, when will they finish their cure, does they have other brothers or sisters, & so on.

Next day, in the morning I call mom, I tell her how’s Mariamty, and stories of other patients … etc.

I think I’ve turned to a boring person; the only thing I chat about is in that area. It’s the only subject I’m good at, beside the weather :)

Also, my blog is having a new theme with the same titles.

I can’t imagine next year! What my chitchats will be? Will I have miscellaneous topics!

بعد جرعة الكيماوي الثانية

كُتبت بعد جرعة الكيماوي الثانية

نبض مريمتي سريعٌ جداً، هذا بعد ثاني جرعة، سبحان الله ذاك الجسد الصغير بالعمر و الحجم،واللذي لم يتعلم الكثير بعد تراه يعمل كما يعمل جسم الكهل الللذي أثقلته خبرته بالحياة. لا شك بأن جسمها مضطرب ويحاول السيطرة على ما دخل عليه من مادة كريهة، يقاومها، يحاول محاربتها و زجها خارجاً، جميع الأعضاء متأهبة ولذلك قلبها ينبض بسرعة لشدة الضغط والعمل

آه يا بضعةً منا، ما أقسانا، كيف قبلنا بذلك السم أن يطعنك فيضعفك ويتعبك. لكن يا أغلى ما لدينا ليس هناك حلاً آخر، نحن نحبك ونريدك معنا ما بقي من أعمارنا

بعد بضعة أيام سيتغلب السم على دمك، مناعتك، وقوتك، لكن بإذن الله كما قويت بعد أول جرعة ستصبحين أفضل و سيكون الخاسر الوحيد بهذه المعركة السرطان