Friday, March 11, 2011

Things Feel Their Owners

I always believe that when a relation is between the horse and its rider, they will always feel each other, and when the rider dies, later the horse will follow! Now I started to believe that one's stuff feels its owner! This really happened with me! Almost all Mariamty's stuff has either been damaged before or after she died!

When I washed Mariamty's clothes before she's left us, my dark blue blouse has been with them! And the result was: all her clothes were changed to either blue or purple! So I have easily abandoned them. There were other clothes waiting to be washed after Mariamty's has left us, and I have recently rinsed and dried them. I was surprised how worn out they looked! Although some of them were new, and other were supposed to be of high quality! Nevertheless, they all looked too stocked and worn! And so I've easily discarded them too.

Even her cups! Looked unclean! And so I've easily put them away!

Finally, I hope so, I was shocked that my car, where Mariamty has always been my buddy there, has also been crashed! And so I'll easily through it away! As it can't be fixed and I hope the insurance company will pay me at least 70% of its cost.

So let's get back to the main topic, things feel their owners, they can't stay without owners, they need a life with them, so give away what you don't need to those whose in need, memories will stay in mind longer than in things.


مواطنون بلا حدود said...

This is because we usually relate things to owners,thing got characters of their owners. so the relationship is not complete if one of them is missing.
Even cloths, they look much better if someone you love wears them.
I am so sad and sorry for your loss, I wish all things' gone and Mariam stayed...
قدّر الله و ما شاء فعل
Allah yer7amha

naysan said...

زي لما الشجر والزريعه بيذبلوا وبيموتوا بعد اللي كان يعتني فيهم

طمنينا عنك

rare said...

مواطنون بلا حدود:
You r right, ppl hav insisted to keep her stuff for her sister (lama yejo) bs i couldn't imagine her stuff with her sister ... it suits her and only her ...

naysan: صح كلامك كنت ناسية انه الشجر كمان بحس ... الحمدلله أنا صرت أحسن، يوم بتزكرها و ببتسم،ويوم بتزكرها و بدمع ... والله إلها وحشة

Dawn said...

I always want to say more to you but I choke with my tears and stop.
It's been almost 5 years and it still hurts, I have lost my firstborn, he was born sleeping or the medical term “still born”, I knew him only during the 7 months he spent in uterus, it was very hard on me and extremely hard on his dad.
I kept his stuff for more than a year after we lost him, and then we had a pregnant student worker and I asked her if she wanted his stuff and she said yes.
I took most of them that day and my husband saw me and he asked about that and I told him, but… She didn't come to pick them up that day so I kept them in my office.
That same night my husband was late coming home, when he came his eyes were all red, so I asked him what was wrong several times, and suddenly he said: ma elek ay 7a2 ta36i aghrad Ashraf la 7ada, ebni hada! And he cried.
I felt baffled, and very selfish, I was drowning in my own grief I left him out, even though he was the one who stood by me the most in my darkest hours.
The next day I brought back what was supposed to be Ashraf's going home from the hospital layette, and I gave it to him, and he kept it with him, then after we had Firas and he was released from the NICU in Dec-2007 I asked him if he wanted to give the layette to the NICU and he agreed.
Our two boys never wore anything that was supposed to be for Ashraf, we just couldn't do it, it was never meant for them.
I know your grief is not in anyway comparable to mine, but you should decide along with your husband what should be kept and what not, Mariam is already in your hearts and she'll always have a place among your family, a place only fitting for the angel she is.

rare said...

May Allah bless ur M&Ms, inshalla they'll bring you joy in this life ...
Its hard whatever age they were ... so you too have got someone waiting you near the heaven door ... mashalla ...
Actually it was my only opinion when I wanted to give away all Mariamty's stuff, Mhmdy told me ... keep something for the next generation, sob7an Allah, when we started packing, as I said either the clothes weren't appropriate, or we couldn't imagine someone else wearing them ...
We kept the last pajamas she was wearing, her hat, her MONTEFLEH,and few dolls ... I smell them everywhile and then and I don't know why I imagine her smell on them!
Thanks for sharing your story, and when I see you sons pictures I feel that I might be living life normally and get other children ... inshalla ...
May ALlah bless your family

Dawn said...

Too many things to say:
First of all I have yet to see a mother with your strength and faith, and I'm in complete owe.
I would never tell a grieving mom allah y3awdek! el dana ma bet3awwad, a mother's heart has an infinite amount of love, and the heart of a mother who lost a child can take in all the children of the world and still have more love to give.
Time is such a strange thing, at moments I hated the passing of time because I felt it might take my memory of Ashraf, but it didn't.
I can tell you with absolute certainty that Mariam will be the first person you think of in the morning, and the last one you say good night to before you sleep, she will always have her own space in your home her own chair at the table, and the most special place in your heart.
And even after her siblings arrive to this world, you'll always include her in your thought prayers, dreams and everything else.
When people ask me how many kids you have I say 3, two boys and an angel, some apologize and say oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I would smile and I'd say: don't! I've been blessed, and I just can't ignore that I had him.
Be strong, have faith, and be proud being the mother of Mariam "the angel".

rare said...

Dawn ... WOW ... ur words are so deep, they touched me, they r so true, so real, so great. really thanks for telling me this, I wanted to cry with ur first words, but I won't when I continued reading, hamdolela I'm a mother of angel, a bird, someone waiting me there ...
May ALlah bless ur family, ur sons, and grant them health and joy, take care of them, kisses from me to them, thanks again